


Lean In

by carlynroth



Series: Resolved [1]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Episode: s02e25 Resolutions, F/M, Romance, Science Fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-25
Updated: 2017-03-17
Packaged: 2018-09-26 22:53:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9927746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carlynroth/pseuds/carlynroth
Summary: Maybe all the command team needed was someone who would convince them that it was worth the risk to try. A spin-off of "Far From Their Bones" series, focusing on the parts of Kathryn and Chakotay's story that went unobserved. Can be read apart from "Far From Their Bones," or alongside it.





	1. Lean In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follows "Far From Their Bones" chapter 15: "Resolutions"

Kathryn Janeway paced restlessly across her living room, replaying Lt. Commander Eelo Talia’s words over and over again in her head.

 _“Kathryn,”_ the counselor had said, _“break-ups can be coped with much easier than the guilt of missed chances. If my parents taught me anything, it's that love is worth even greater risks than that.”_

Had it really been three months since Chakotay’s former pilot had sat in her ready room, nervously fidgeting with the creases in her uniform, struggling to sort out whether she was genuinely in love with Harry Kim? It was a shocking moment of vulnerability for the thirty-year-old Bajoran woman, who was usually so adept at observing and correctly interpreting emotional and behavioral patterns. She was a counselor by training, after all—and a damn good one at that. But, perhaps being good at recognizing things in others did not necessarily translate into being good at recognizing things inside of oneself.

Kathryn paused mid-pace, her brow furrowing at the thought. Somewhere in her mind, the wiser part of her psyche turned that assessment back to her like a mirror. _Indeed, it doesn't, Kathryn. You showed her the true nature of her feelings that day. And, now, she's returned the favor._

So much had happened since that day in her ready room; Kathryn and Chakotay had been forced by an alien virus to remain alone on an isolated planet, where they had both eventually accepted they would spend the rest of their lives. Brick by brick, her former first officer had been dismantling the wall that Kathryn had protectively built between them. It was mostly constructed from things like duty, protocol, command structure, and professionalism—things that had no longer held them back from one another on that planet as they had on Voyager. But, there were more components to the wall, as well—fear of losing him the way she had lost Justin, guilt at breaking her promise of forever to Mark, unease at the idea of beginning a relationship that would be so inescapably complicated. Those bricks did not slip out of place so easily, yet even she couldn't deny by the end of their stay that he had begun to shift them out of place.

Then, came the hail from Tuvok; he had disobeyed orders and gone to the Vidiians for the cure. After returning to Voyager and receiving the treatment, Kathryn had immediately gone over Tuvok’s logs—and then Talia's, whom the ever-wise Vulcan had chosen as his first officer rather than letting the post slide past her onto Tom Paris. They had been a good command team, it seemed, but Talia had struggled to cope with the emotional fallout. Even so, she had stood fast in her support of Captain Tuvok’s refusal to seek out the Vidiians. That is, until Kes had approached her with a plan that, even Kathryn had to admit, she couldn't possibly turn down.

Yet, as relieved as Kathryn was to return to her ship, and as much as she anticipated resuming her command once Dr. Schmullis and Lt. Commander Eelo cleared her for duty, she couldn't help but feel like a spark of new life somewhere within her had been snuffed out. She would have to go back and dust off all those bricks that Chakotay had torn down, and rebuild her wall. Somehow, it felt so much more painful this time. Unnatural. But, that was simply how it had to be.

Except that, maybe it didn't have to be that way. Talia had gently reminded her of that just moments ago. Another conversation with the counselor, from a year before, broke into Kathryn's thoughts.

_Talia sat back, unconsciously shaking her head to shift a tendril of wavy, red hair out of her face. "Kathryn, have you ever considered the possibility of dating? Not right now, of course, but down the road?"_

_"As the Captain, that's not a luxury I have," Kathryn replied defensively, shifting uncomfortably in her seat._

_"As Captain, you're also supposed to eat separately from the rest of the crew and avoid developing close personal friendships with them," the counselor reminded her. "But, there are no captains, admirals, or civilians to satisfy your innate human need for companionship out here, and you can't very well expect yourself to function without supportive personal relationships. Besides, Starfleet purposefully keeps those guidelines under the heading of 'Recommended.' Nobody at Command expects deep space officers to keep that code."_

_Janeway stroked her chin thoughtfully. "I suppose that's true. I wasn't in the deep space track, so we didn't really get into those sorts of grey-area discussions in command school. It was strongly discouraged, however, for command officers to enter into relationships with their subordinates.”_

_"Well, I never went to command school," Talia said, "but I did grow up in deep space. I saw my parents successfully maintain a happy marriage that shifted between professional hierarchy and domestic partnership every day. I saw them develop deep, life-long friendships with officers who were their subordinates on duty and their drinking partners off. Those people helped raise me. They sent me birthday comms every year after we moved to Earth, and they came to my graduations. We became a family out there. It's not always easy, and it's not without complications, but we are communal animals. We need each other to survive."_

A family. Much like this crew was becoming to each other. Kathryn sighed and resumed her pacing. What time was it? She had told Chakotay that she would join him for dinner in his quarters after her session, but she hadn't yet worked up the courage to face him, given the feelings her talk with Talia had drudged up. Her wall was no longer a solid stack of bricks, but a house of cards shifting tenuously in the breeze. She knew she should hurry and find some way to stabilize it, but a large part of her wanted to let them simply fall where they may.

“ _Love is worth greater risks than that,_ ” the counselor had told her just twenty minutes ago. “ _It's worth risking some awkward moments with your first officer to at least admit to him how you feel, and maybe to find that you're not so alone in the Delta Quadrant as you think.”_

Kathryn sucked in a deep breath. _What if I let the cards fall? Would it be so terrible? Which would be worse: dealing with the potential for compromised command—_

_—or living and dying alone out here with the guilt of never knowing what could have been?_

* * *

When Kathryn arrived at Chakotay’s quarters, she immediately sensed the same tension in him as she still wrestled within herself. It wasn't until after finishing an awkwardly quiet dinner that either one of them was willing to touch the subject at all. After clearing the dishes from the table, Chakotay had divided the remainder of the wine between them, his hand brushing hers as he steadied her glass while he poured. Her breath caught at his touch, catching his eyes and seeing his pupils dilate in response.

He had noticed.

It likely didn't help that they were still wearing civilian clothes, as their commissions had not yet been reactivated in the ship's system. _You need to rest,_ Talia had insisted. _Process through your experience. Readjust. Voyager will be here for you when you're ready. Tuvok and I can handle her for a few more days._

Indeed, they could. But, could Kathryn handle being so much around Chakotay, forestalling the inevitable wedge of duty that was again to come between them?

Recycling the empty wine bottle, Chakotay returned to his seat at the table across from her. When his eyes caught hers, she was certain he would say something, but he second-guessed himself and looked away.

 _To hell with it_ , she thought irritatedly. She’d never had much tolerance for pussyfooting around an issue, so she decided to just come out with it. “Chakotay, we need to talk about this.”

His eyes snapped back up to hers. “About what?”

“The nature of our relationship.”

His face fell. “Didn't we already have this discussion?”

“Yes… and no.”

Chakotay looked up once more. “Alright.”

“Clearly, we can't just go back to the way things were before,” Kathryn stated.

“I agree.”

“I won't ignore protocol simply because it's inconvenient for me, but I also can't deny that—“ she stopped short, trying to decide upon the most tactful way to finish her sentence.

But, Chakotay didn't wait for her to finish. In the space of a breath, he was on his feet, kneeling on the floor beside her and taking her hands in his. “Kathryn, this isn't just about convenience, and you know it. You can't possibly expect yourself to serve this crew well while you deny yourself the most basic of human needs. And, even if you can, I can't.”

Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes. “Chakotay—“

“Kathryn, I love you, and I think you love me, too. After all that you’ve been through, after all you've sacrificed, I think you deserve to be happy. Give me a chance to show you that we can make it work. Please, Kathryn.” He tugged her towards himself. “Let me ease this burden, too.”

Her breath caught in the sudden swell of her throat, and she couldn't stop the tears from streaming down her face. It was his eyes that finally convinced her to agree, full of a promise to never let her down. There was no going back from this anymore; to try and ignore what had grown between them on New Earth would have been the slow death of their easy friendship, and she needed him by her side if they were going to survive this journey. No, they had to move forward, to find out if it was worth the risk.

So she let the cards fall.

And, with a decisive nod, she leaned in.

 


	2. Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kathryn and Chakotay admit some things to each other, and learn to share their personal burdens together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place alongside "Far From Their Bones" chapter 16: "Face of the Enemy"

The first week after resuming their duty, Chakotay took Kathryn to a small café in San Francisco that had been one of his favorite places to sit and read. They stayed there late into the night, talking about everything. When he dropped her off at her quarters, she nervously checked the corridor in both directions before allowing him a short, but sweet, kiss goodnight.

The second week, he surprised her with a rose just as she was finishing up her work for the day in her ready room. Then, he offered her his elbow, and took her for a moonlit sail on Lake George. They did a good deal less talking than they had on their first date. The goodnight kiss she gave him before disappearing into her quarters that evening was a little less guarded, and held much more longing.

The third week was Christmas, which began with a traditional Catholic candlelight Mass at midnight on the holodeck. The program was actually for Lt. Commander Eelo Talia, whose family—with the exception of her Bajoran mother and aunt—was Catholic. Lieutenant Harry Kim had created the program as a gift for her, and she made the event open for anyone on board who wished to participate.

When Kathryn entered the holodeck, she gasped as she took in the sight of St. Mary's Cathedral. The only times she'd been inside the real chapel, which was located just off-base in San Francisco, were for the funerals of Starfleet officers who had been members of the church. But, on this night, with Christmas decorations hung and the gentle glow of candlelight reflecting off of the darkened stained-glass windows, it seemed like an entirely different place. She felt a gentle squeeze of her hand and realized that she had stopped in the middle of the aisle to stare up at the architecture of the room.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" came Chakotay's voice quietly from beside her. "Harry did a really great job for having only been here once."

She swallowed to ease the dryness in her throat, and nodded, coming back to herself. "Yes, he did. Let's find a seat before we cause a traffic jam." When they were seated comfortably in a center pew, Kathryn leaned into him so they could talk quietly. "I take it you've been here before?"

"Quite a few times, actually," he admitted. "Usually for events like weddings and funerals, but I did attend a couple of regular Sunday Mass services."

"Really?"

He nodded. "Once with a friend at the Academy, and once at Talia's grandmother's invitation." Kathryn's eyes widened at him, and he chuckled. "She had stopped by Fayeni's office at the Academy to drop off something for her, and I happened to be there. Fayeni introduced us. We talked, she invited me, and I accepted. It's amazing, really, that Talia and I never crossed paths until I joined the Maquis, as often as I worked with her mother."

Kathryn felt something small and cold needling at the inside of her chest. _Jealousy, Kathryn? That's not very becoming on you._ It was true that Talia and Chakotay had been a couple when they first arrived on Voyager, but their relationship had fallen apart quickly as they each adjusted to their unexpected new roles on Kathryn's ship. Her gaze wondered up to the front where the young Bajoran sat, wiping tears from her eyes as Harry rubbed comforting circles over her back and whispered something into her ear.

"That's the pew where her family usually sits," Chakotay mumbled. "Generations of Peters have come here to worship, week after week, year after year, regardless of whether they believed or not."

Suddenly, the little shards of jealousy were melted away by the clench of her heart at his explanation—which was swiftly followed by an all-too-familiar wave of guilt. It was _she_ who had caused this pain when she ordered Tuvok to destroy the Caretaker's array. Without that choice, Talia would be on Earth, in Federation custody—at a penal colony, or perhaps on parole by now—able to see her family for Christmas.

For the rest of their lives, simulations of home would be all they could ever have. Not the real thing; never the real thing. _Oh, god_. Kathryn's lips parted for want of a deeper, sharper intake of breath as her chest tightened. How fitting that she should find herself pondering her guilt on the cusp of her first Christmas Mass. _Mea culpa_.

As if he had read her mind, Chakotay folded his hand around hers and squeezed tightly. "You did the right thing, Kathryn."

"Did I, Chakotay?" She nodded towards Voyager's trembling counselor several rows up. "Would Talia agree? Or would she rather be at the real St. Mary's, with her family?"

"She does agree. It's why she trusted you so quickly, why she turned away from me and threw herself into bridging the chasm between our crews. You won her loyalty that day, Kathryn, because you proved that you took seriously the values that Starfleet preaches. In her experience, a lot of the higher-ups don't. You should ask her for her side of the story sometime. It's nothing like the bullshit they put in her records."

Feeling the sharp edge in his tone, Kathryn cast him a nervous glance. His eyes met hers and instantly filled with regret. He opened his mouth to apologize, but she touched the tips of her fingers to his lips and shook her head. "It's alright, Chakotay. I know a good bit of it already, and I can't blame her for being bitter. Or you, for that matter. It wasn't handled well at all. None of it was."

Gently, he pressed his lips against her fingers, reveling in the blush that crept into her fair cheeks as the organ started in on the first hymn of the service.

* * *

"I was never in love with her," Chakotay murmured into the silence that had fallen between them as they made their way back to Kathryn's quarters, the humming of the turbolift's magnets framing his quiet confession to her like the church organ had framed hers before. He looked over to see her reaction. "I just want you to know that."

Kathryn nodded. "She told me."

His eyebrows jumped. "She did?"

"Two days before we scouted New Earth. Up until then, I assumed you had both been in love with each other, that you simply couldn't make it work with the new command structure and protocols. She told me that she was too angry for love in the Maquis, and that she thought you had been, too. I admit that I didn't entirely believe her until—"

Chakotay nodded knowingly, thinking back to that night on New Earth, the first time he had made any of his feelings for Kathryn known.

"I know that you love her very much, Chakotay. That's always been clear. She loves you, too. But, now that I know you both better, I can tell the difference between _that_ —" she laced her fingers into his "—and _this_. You don't need to explain yourself to me."

His lips curved upward as his dark brown eyes gazed down into her deep blue ones. The force between them was magnetic, _but_ _not here_ , she told herself, _and not tonight_.

Outside her door that night, she didn't even check to see if any of the crew were around to catch them. She no longer cared. They were already the talk of the ship—there was no helping that—and this blended crew of theirs always in want of fresh gossip to keep them entertained. So, she lingered on his lips for a long time, tasting him slowly and deliberately, allowing herself to be just another human being in her off-duty hours. "Merry Christmas, Chakotay," she murmured against his lips.

"Merry Christmas, Kathryn," he whispered back.

* * *

The following week, she invited him inside.

It seemed that the Delta Quadrant had decided to acknowledge the Terran holiday season, giving Voyager enough of a reprieve to enjoy both Christmas and New Year's. Unfortunately for the crew, Neelix had decided to embrace the holiday spirit by developing yet another use for those damn leola roots—a dreadful batch of hooch. At least, that was the general consensus when he debuted it at the Christmas/Winter Solstice party; by the time New Year's Eve rolled around, he had evidently taken pointers from the crew on how to improve the recipe. Or, perhaps, they were all just getting too used to the Talaxian's odd sense of flavor. Sometimes, it was hard to tell.

The crew toasted the end of 2372 and the beginning of 2373, sharing hugs with friends and kisses with lovers. It wasn't long after zero-hour that they all filtered off to their quarters for sleep or sex, or to prepare for the next duty shift. As usual, Chakotay walked Kathryn to her quarters, and they laughed the entire way to her door.

Then, his lips slanted over hers. He tried to keep it chaste, but he couldn't reign in his desire for her any longer—though, she didn't mind in the least. He had a white-hot passion that ran thick beneath that cool exterior, and she was a sucker for men whose true character ran deep. She hadn't planned to open herself to him like this so soon, but he was so soft and so sure and, _damn_ , that hooch had been strong.

So, she invited him inside.

And, he smiled that beautiful, dimpled smile of his that made her weak in the knees.

And, suddenly, she just couldn't wait anymore.

She backed him against the first wall they came to after crossing the threshold, pressing every potent inch of her body against his and relishing the desire she awoke in him. Everything about him in that moment was even more intoxicating than Neelix's hooch—the way he tasted, the way he smelled, the way his hands moved over her like wildfire, the way his body responded to her. Every single nerve ending in her body tingled with excitement at the prospect of feeling his naked touch. She hadn't felt this way since—

_No_. She didn't want to think back to other lovers. She didn't want to think at all. The point was, it had been a long time indeed, and her body was more than ready to be touched and loved once again.

But, her brief mental venture away from the moment didn't go unnoticed. "What are you thinking about, Kathryn?" Chakotay asked her, resting his forehead against hers as they both tried to catch their breath.

"I—" She paused. What had she been thinking about? _Mark. Justin_. Both men from so long ago in her past, yet still so present. She sighed, the rush of the moment dissipating before her like smoke. "It—it's been a while," she confessed, forcing her eyes to meet his even though the blur of him so close made her head swim.

He sighed, too, likely realizing, as she was, that the time still wasn't right for this next step. There was an ache in her pelvis that disagreed, and her limbic system was screaming at her to wrap herself around him, to stop letting guilt get in the way of her pleasure. Her fingers tightened on his shoulders, nails digging into layers of casual clothing, then released.

_Not here. Not tonight. Not like this._

She rolled off of him, resting her back and dropping her head against the wall beside him. "I'm sorry," she murmured, closing her eyes to steady herself.

His fingers wove in between hers, and soon he was leading her to the couch to sit, replicating coffee for her and tea for himself before returning to join her. Perching himself on the back of the couch behind her, he gently slid the cardigan away from her shoulders and began working at the ever-tense muscles underneath. "Tell me, Kathryn," he whispered as he grazed her neck and shoulders with warm kisses. "Tell me what you were thinking."

Breathing deep, she made her own confession of loves lost—

—and of a love found.


	3. Smile Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After grieving the loss of his son with Seska, Chakotay and Kathryn share their thoughts on having children.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coincides with events of "Far From Their Bones" chapter 16: "Face of the Enemy." Things with Seska turn out a bit differently in my AU. I don't get too spoilerific here (that one big, big plot twist is not mentioned), and you don't need to know the specs for this story. Just know that it's different.

The past month had been a difficult one, to say the least.

By the time Kathryn ordered Tuvok to leave her and Chakotay behind on New Earth, they had already known for months that Seska was pregnant with his child—a child she had conceived with stem cells stolen from his unconscious body while he had been strung up from the ceiling of a Kazon holding cell. During their time alone together on that planet, he had seemingly put that fact out of his mind, and found healing.

Of course, Voyager had returned for them. For one month after that, she and Chakotay had enjoyed peace and stability as they carefully stepped beyond the parameters of her self-prescribed isolation and into a cautious romance. For one month, they had been genuinely happy.

Then, Seska resurfaced, claiming that she and the child were in danger. The crew braced themselves for a trap as they went after her, but found that—for once—the Cardassian spy had been telling the truth. Unfortunately, they had been too late to save Chakotay's son.

For a month, he grieved for a child whom he had never met or even wanted. For a month, Kathryn couldn't reach him at all. It wasn't until Neelix and Kes announced their plans to get married that Chakotay began to smile again. It didn't reach his eyes just yet, but at least it was there.

"I've always wanted to have children," he finally admitted to Kathryn one night after a quiet dinner in her quarters. "I never doubted that I would. But, life had other plans, and it kept getting put off until—" He sighed heavily. "When i joined the Maquis, I just accepted that it probably wasn't going to happen for me. And, I was honestly okay with that, because I was fighting for other people's children. But this... this is not how I imagined it would happen."

Silent tears streaked Kathryn's cheeks as she took his hand in hers. She'd wanted children, too, once. Instead, she had a hundred and fifty crew under her command, and that would be the closest she could ever come to having a family.

If Chakotay stayed with her, it would be the closest he could ever come, as well.

The thought put ice in her blood and twisted the blade in her heart. _He would make such a good father, but because of me, he never will be. Because I cannot afford to be distracted from my crew like that._

Then, another voice echoed in her mind. _Stop being so self-centered, Kathryn. This isn't about you and your pity party right now._

So, she reached her other hand up to cup his jaw before gently pressing her lips to his. "You would be such a wonderful father," she whispered. "I hope someday you get the chance."

"So do I," he admitted. "But, I've only ever met one person who I'd want to have children with, and she's already got a hundred and fifty of them to take care of first."

Kathryn felt the air rush out of her lungs. "Oh, Chakotay.” She saw him bracing for the impact of her emotional withdrawal, afraid he’d overstepped her parameters again. A month ago, that's exactly what she would have done. This time, the corners of her mouth tugged upwards as she told him truthfully, “They're just as much yours as they are mine."

He smiled at her words, and it finally reached his eyes.

When Kathryn woke up the next morning, that same dimpled smile was the first thing she saw. "Time to go take care of the kids," he teased.

And she smiled back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspiration for this comes from [this post on tumblr.](http://carlynroth.tumblr.com/post/158026481760/talsi74656-themostpowerfulmagicofall)


	4. Memento

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A year of shared love has changed Kathryn and Chakotay—and their crew—for the better. It has transformed them into a family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Corresponds to events in final chapter of "Far From Their Bones."

She caught the bouquet.

The reality of the moment took its sweet time sinking into Kathryn Janeway’s mind. The crew immediately began tittering with laughter, whispering comments, and offering applause as their captain stood there, shocked and dumbfounded at this turn of events. Her face burned as red as her dress uniform; her hands clutched at the stems of the flowers that Lon Suder had grown specifically for the occasion—his way of showing gratitude towards the only counselor who had been able to help him.

To Kathryn’s left, B’Elanna Torres laughed and clapped her hands. Tuvok stood silently off to the side of the crowd, donning his usual Vulcan stoicism, though underneath there was a hint of teasing in his eyes that Kathryn knew he meant for her to see. She glanced over to see Tom Paris jovially slap Chakotay on the back. Her first officer’s dimples bore deeper into his cheeks than ever before as he smiled affectionately at her. After sharing their brief, but intimate, exchange of glances, Kathryn turned her gaze away from his and back up to the front—just in time to meet the bride's eyes.

Eelo Talia had pivoted back to take in the results of her bouquet toss, which had been initiated by the small half-Ktarian child who was still perched on her shoulders. The child, Naomi Wildman, squealed with unrestrained little-girl delight, clapping her tiny hands above Talia's carefully pinned copper-red tresses. "Capt’n Janeway caught my flowers, Talla!" she cried, practically bouncing with glee.

“She did, didn't she?" replied the bride to the child, and a new wave of laughter arose from among the gathered crew. Talia gave Kathryn a warm and reassuring smile. After all of the counselor's subtle machinations behind the start of Kathryn's relationship with Chakotay, she had entirely backed off since that session discussing New Earth. Even now, a full year later, she made no judgements and put no pressure on Kathryn to say anything. It was simply joy that Kathryn found in the young woman's smile, as if she were storing the image away in her mind like a treasured memento.

Kathryn, too, was carefully memorizing this special day, taking notice of the little moments of joy all around her as the crowd began to disperse throughout the room to mingle. Harry Kim was drawn again to his new wife's side and offered Naomi a proud high-five. Samantha Wildman approached to lower her daughter from Talia's shoulders, giving the newlyweds each a tight squeeze before leading the child away. Then, Harry tugged his beloved into his arms and placed a tender kiss on her forehead. It was memories like this that Kathryn leaned on when times got hard, or when that ever-persistent guilt began creeping again into her soul.

For all the things that had gone wrong, the love her crew had developed for one another was one thing that had gone wonderfully right. Kathryn wasn't simply a captain to these people, nor was she just another in a line of privileged Starfleet lapdogs bent on throwing the Maquis into prison for defending their homes. No, she was the leader of a family. True, they respected the hierarchy. They called her Captain, saw her as their captain, and would immediately follow each and every order she issued without question. They were professionals, after all. But, peel back that layer, and one would find endless depths of community and—dare she think it—love underneath.

Just then, two strong arms enveloped her from behind, breaking her out of her reverie. She smiled, dropped her head back onto Chakotay's chest, and sighed happily. His hands trailed down along her sleeves, making their way to the flowers still clutched in her hands, and she felt him smile against her cheek. No, the word "marriage" wouldn't cross either of their lips that night, regardless of what jokes their crew made. But, for the rest of the evening, they never left each other's sides.

Late into the night—after the crew had seen the newlyweds off to their holodeck honeymoon and the reception had dispersed—their formal tunics and pressed slacks cooled in a rumpled heap on the floor as the heat of Chakotay’s skin pressed over and under hers.

Every night, he slept beside her. The smell of him was burned into her sheets. It had settled into her upholstery, and it hung from her walls. It permeated her very skin. His touch in the night could set her ablaze just as easily as it could soothe her soul. She always wanted him to be there, even if it was only to tuck her up against his chest and brace her while she slept. Not a single morning arrived without his lips on hers, kissing her awake. Not a single night fell without her tracing his dimples with her fingers and reminding him of her love.

The change had long been taking shape between them. For months, he'd occupied a drawer in her dresser and a shelf in her bathroom. But, after Harry and Talia's wedding, it became all but official. Kathryn knew it. Soon enough, her senior officers knew it. Chakotay never spoke a word, always allowing her the final say, even as more of his things found their way into her quarters.

_Their quarters._

Neither did she say anything of it to anyone. Someday, perhaps, they might update the ship’s records to reflect the shift, but she didn't want to rock the boat. There was something deeply comforting about their arrangement. Even when he wasn't there, his scent and presence lingered, and it pushed back the loneliness that had once threatened to swallow her whole. He lived there, in her space and in her heart, and she didn't turn him away. He had become as natural to her daily life as her right arm was to her body, and she would just as soon rip that appendage from herself as she would push away from their easy intimacy.

Kathryn kept the bouquet. Together, she and Chakotay used the flowers to create art for their quarters—a treasured memento of love.


End file.
